Dear Kid,
You may remember the difficulty I had trying to set up autopay for Fred the Car a week or so ago. Or you may have conveniently blocked the memory. Probably smarter that way as it was just too ridiculously painful an experience.
A few days ago, I stopped in to Chase to set up web access to your account (you’re welcome). Beth The Helpful Bank Person got that taken care of in record time, set up the app on my new phone (I have a banking app!), and mentioned that I’d be able to see the lease on Fred (well, she didn’t know his name). The second she mentioned The Awful Lease Payment Situation she got an earful (poor Beth THBP). She asked if I would like help. It took less time than you can even imagine for me to say “Yes, Yes, Yes. Please.” and throw myself on bended knee in an attitude of supplication. (Re-reading that last sentence. Just hilarious that I could even contemplate throwing myself anywhere without landing in a hospital. But it makes a great cartoon-ish mental image!)
So Beth THBP started poking around on her computer. She poked. She frowned. She tapped some additional keys. Screens flew by. She continued to frown. I felt only marginally better that a Professional Bank Person at the Bank In Question had just as much difficulty as I did with trying to figure out autopay for the car lease.
I got Beth laughing when I mentioned that I was not the dumbest person she’d encounter that day. She agreed that I wasn’t even in the running. So you have to wonder how people without my vast knowledge of Stuff could possibly set up autopay through the Subaru/Chase financing program. (Yep, naming names again.)
After a few minutes, she called the In Charge of Lease people. (She was smooth—she said she couldn’t see all the information they could. That’s probably true, but it doesn’t change the ridiculousness of the situation.) Then she let me talk to the Lease People. They put me on hold. Anyone surprised? Me neither. I waited. Beth set up the aforementioned app. I waited some more. Beth crocheted an afghan and painted three oil paintings. I asked Beth if I could just hang up. She thought that would be ill-advised. I waited. Beth wrote a doctoral dissertation on War and Peace.
Eventually, we had both had enough and Beth THBP ignored convention and set up autopay for the car. About 90 seconds after she did that, the Lease People were happy to confirm that my autopay was just fine. Arrrrgggg.
Fred did not even say thank you.
Love, Mom
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