Dear Kid,

It will not surprise you to learn that I’ve been watching America’s Got Talent.

It will not surprise you to learn that I have opinions. Both general and specific.

There are many different kinds of acts on America’s Got Talent (not even counting “fabulous”, “good”, “meh”, and “god awful”), and I love the variety and variation. Certainly some of the acts are (imo) better than others, but in general by the time we get to the live shows the performances are wonderful.

Except.

Except the “death defying” acts.

I’m tired of hearing the judges (and the performers) talk about the potential for dying. I don’t find the acts scary and breathtaking. I find them boring.

I’m pretty sure no one goes on stage to die. Especially when the show is pre-recorded. So we know the outcome before the act begins: dude gets out of the “terrifying” situation.

Yeah, I get that there’s some fun when the person who is supposed to be buried alive in the falling sand mysteriously appears behind the judges, but that’s magic, not death-defying. And watching the sand fall and or the box hang until it smashes down onto flaming stakes is, um, dull.

Nothing is happening.

It’s a box.

And you got out of handcuffs. Again. Just the way you did the last three times we watched you. Snooze.

Obviously, I’m missing something because plenty of people seem to think that these terrifying, most dangerous acts we’ve ever seen are wonderful and entertaining.

Don’t bother trying to explain it to me—I won’t get it. I’ll just stick to refilling my coffee during those acts and be sure to be back for everything else.

Love, Mom