A Wedding? That Can’t Possibly Be Right!

Dear Kid,

One possible interpretation is that I chose to wait. That I held on to the holiday letters I received from friends until now so that I could enjoy them in the calm of the new year.

Another interpretation is that I managed to get them all into a pile and then somehow buried the pile under another pile until last weekend when I excavated them.

A third is that I just plum dang forgot about them.

Whichever you believe, the fact is that I just got around to reading them.

I love hearing from friends I don’t get to see often. To learn about all the things that are going on in their lives. To catch up on their comings and goings and pretend that I am just as interesting and just as good at keeping in touch (even though I’m not). Generally, reading the letters is a silent process. But one letter caused me to squawk.

Me: This can’t be right.
Dad: Um?
Me: Gloria’s daughter is getting married!
Dad: Isn’t she, like, 5?
Me: Exactly! She can’t possibly be old enough to tie her own shoes much less tie the knot.

Mind you, Gloria’s daughter was born on the day Daddy and I got engaged. And by utilizing some creative math (and by “math” I mean makeup) and holding tight to an excessive amount of denial, there is no way that child is more than a pre-teen.

(Yes, I know reality would seem to indicate she’s somewhat older than you. I’m in denial over that too.)

This is how I’ve got it figured: Gloria looks about a week older than she did when we were in school. The last time I saw her daughter was when she was an infant. I clearly have not aged more than a few years since then. Voila! Creative math and statistical improbabilities.

Which makes it harder to celebrate our (Dad’s and my) anniversary with any amount of accuracy, but I’ve always been flexible when it comes to that sort of thing.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I must contact the authorities about a toddler getting married.

Love, Mom

P.S. If somehow my calculations and permutations are off and she is old enough (ha!) to get married, I wish everyone all the best for a wonderful next chapter. 

P.P.S. And really good waterproof mascara for the wedding day.